I realized that the helpers in my life are those people who are honest with me, who tell me the truth about things, who encourage me and lift me up so I can take the steps I need to move forward and achieve something new and often exciting when maybe I didn't have the vision to see the possibilities myself. They don't do things for me, but they let me know they have confidence in my ability to do them for myself.
The enablers aren't truthful with me. They tell me what they think I want to hear or give me what I want whether or not its good for me. They will make me happy in the moment, even if it's bad for me in the long term. I know when I've been with one because of the feeling I have after I'm with them-- a little like that moment after you eat a piece of cheesecake and think about all the calories now residing in your stomach.
On the other end of things, it's not always so easy to be a nurturing friend -- sometimes it can be downright scary when you have to find a way to tell someone the truth about themselves or to say no to them about something when "yes" would have been so much easier. I've been on that end myself as a friend, a sibling, and a parent. That's when you find out whether the person you are talking to is a "frend" or an "acquaintance." But that's a different blog for a different day.